Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you made out with another girl for some wings
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