my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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