when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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