I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
