can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
