I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
