Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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