I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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