In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
