So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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