what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
