For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
