I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
