You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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