its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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