They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
