I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
