Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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