Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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