I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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