i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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