His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
