So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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