I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
