Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
