i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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