Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
