Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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