Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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