Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
