Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
