Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
