he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
