My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
