I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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