Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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