KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
