I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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