You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you made out with another girl for some wings
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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