her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
