my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
