im having a threesome with these popsicles
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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