I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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