Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
