Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
