I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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