the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
