does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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