I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
