Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
