so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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