Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
