Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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