I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
