names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
