mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have aggressive nipples.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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