I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
