I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
