He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
