Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
