uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
