Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
