hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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