He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
