he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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